Represent – June 26

Michael Jackson dies, and takes real news stories with him, UteGate runs out of fuel, and another American Governor get’s all salacious on his constituents

 Michael Jackson's Death Changes a few Subjects: Download
 Utegate Scandal Humiliates Turnbull: Download
 Name and Shame: Download
 How Family First got into Parliament: Download
 Another US Governor Sex Scandal: Download
 Another US Governor Sex Scandal: Republican Response: Download

If there was one event that had everyone talking, and the tabloids printing faster than you can moonwalk over to Billie Jean’s house (depending on your level of mad skills), it was the sad news that one of the world’s most beloved entertainers had tragically died: Farrah Fawcett has passed on, aged 62. Also, there was somebody else. Michael Jackson I think their name was. Some one-hit-wonder. Mostly covers of more famous people’s music…

Anyway, whichever celebrity death made you most nostalgic about your angsty teenage years, it meant that there sure as hell wasn’t any real news being reported. Which was quite convenient for those in government – it’s allowed Labor to sweep the axing of their Grocery Choice website under the carpet, and it’s given Malcolm Turnbull some much needed reprieve from a scandal of his own making that’s backfired spectacularly on his credibility as opposition leader – ladies and gentlemen, we present UteGate. Let’s recap on how the saga began:

• Ipswich car dealer John Grant lent Prime Minister Kevin Rudd a ute to use, back when he was campaigning in the 2007 Federal Election. Rudd declared the vehicle on his pecuniary interests sheet
• During a Senate Enquiry into the feasibility of OzCar (a government assistance scheme for struggling car dealers), Treasury official Godwin Grech mentioned that he ‘vaguely recalled’ an email that directed the Treasury to provide special assitance to John Grant, implicating Rudd, and Treasurer Wayne Swan. Obviously this would be an abuse of power and be massively corrupt
• Malcolm Turnbull siezes on the opportunity, calling for Kevin Rudd and Wayne Swan to resign, despite there being no evidence that an email exists. Rudd and Swan deny allegations, claiming that while Treasury did help John Grant Motors, there was no preferential treatment as other car dealers have also had access to finance
• An email emerges! It seems to be from the Prime Minister’s department, to Godwin Grech, and implys that the PM is one dodgy dude, asking for favours for his mate.
• The Libs seem pretty smug, and Labor’s shit looks poised precariously above an ominously rotating fan…

At this point it seems like the reputations of Rudd and Swan will be irreparably tarnished. Then, in a complete reversal of fortune:

• The Australian Federal Police confirm that the email is a forgery. K-Rudd is off the hook!
• The Australian Federal Police also reveal that they have been watching the Treasury department for ages, suspecting that someone was leaking information
• Liberal Party sources reveal that Godwin Grech has been leaking information to the Liberal Party (no conclusive link has been drawn between the email and Grech… we can only speculate defamatory speculations)

So, Turnbull now has to explain why he was so cozy with Grech, and whether or not he knew that the original email was false. He’s also had to revoke his allegations against Rudd, which hasn’t exactly done much for his political capital. The whole saga is reminiscent of Martin Hamilton-Smith’s foray into using forged documents to attempt to discredit SA Premier Mike Rann – in fact one wonders if it’s going to become Liberal policy. Turnbull has offered to make a formal apology to Rudd – but to make the whole thing seem slightly less honourable (hell, he’s got at least 10 approval points on Brendan Nelson, he’s still technically in front), the apology is conditional on Rudd apologising to Turnbull. Kind of like that game children play on the telephone – “You hang up.” “No you hang up” “OK, we’ll hang up together”. Except instead of telephones it’s credibility.

Speaking of political trends, another United States Governor has become embroiled in scandal. Hot on the heels of Alaskan Governer Sarah Palin (firing the Chief of Police because he wouldn’t fire her sister’s ex-husband), New York Governer Eliot Spitzer (hiring a callgirl with taxpayers money), and Illinois Governer Rod Blagojevich (trying to solicit Barack Obama’s recently vacated Senate seat) a new contestant has shamefacedly trudged onto the increasingly crowded playing field of Gubernatorial Disgrace. This time it’s South Carolina’s governor, Mike Sanford. Sanford, a dyed in the wool Republican and family values man went AWOL for 5 days. Neither his family, nor his security detail had any idea where he was. Some thought that he got lost hiking in the Appalachian mountains, but when he turned up at the airport, on a flight coming from Argentina, it looked like he had some ’splainin to do. Turns out he’d been cavorting with a woman – a friend he had met on trips to Argentina. While it could definitely have been worse, it kind of undermines your family values outlook when you cheat on your wife with whom you have children. Also, one of his trips was funded by public monies, which is generally frowned upon. Now, while it looks like a pretty clear cut case – the guy was just off indulging his lustful nature – Conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh was quick to point out that in actual fact, President Barack Obama was responsible for Sanford’s infidelity. Apparently conservatives are so oppressed by Obama’s liberalisation of social values that the only way that they can enjoy themselves is to indulge in extramarital sex. Or whatever, really… Don’t be gay though.

Name and Shame

1. Steve Fielding – Climate change is caused by solar flares, sitting on our hands is pretty comfy
2. The Coalition – Ideological Backflip on alcopops tax
3. Malcolm Turnbull – Being a douchebag, re. UteGate

Playlist

• Some Artist – Some song (Some Album)
• Double Dose – An artist with a prolific back catalogue
  • Something a little earlier in their career (An Earlier Album)
  • Something a little later in their career (A better produced but ultimately inferior effort)
• Some other artist - That really catchy track. You know the one (Seriously, I can’t remember shit about what we played)